What The Fuck is Zelda

Anonymous asked: you lieeeeeeeeed ):

ahhhhhhhhhh I know I am just so busy getting college applications and essays done! ,kdngjkladsngfa I WILL start up again soon!

okiedokoro asked: you are the best ever just keep playing

People keep telling me this; I think I lost my say in the matter.

my understanding of the game thus far:

   Peter Pan has a nightmare in which popular Mario villain Bowser (Ganon or whatever) was chasing after Princess Peach. So the only reasonable reaction to such a thing was for Waldorf the Muppet in tree form sending you an enchanted firefly to guide you back to that tree where it was completely reasonable to discover—what I am sure in some states would be classified as a least a three star hotel—existing within him. Peter Pan has a showdown with the monster from Cloverfield in order to save Waldorf the Tree; however, in the end, Waldorf dies anyway. And then you realize that if he had just died with the spider chick in him, you wouldn’t have had to do any work in the first place. But that was probably super important on your journey to becoming a hero or the leader of the Lost Boys or whatever.

   Anyway, now the tree is dead, and you are probably super choked up about that; he was your tree dad or whatever. But there’s no time to worry about that. Annoying magical firefly knows what lies ahead for you. So get your mourn on and then get your move on. You’ve got work to do.

suiteautumn asked: dear molly i will teach you the ways of zelda game by game love brie

Why do tress have mustaches this world is ridiculous why am I here?

I’m gonna go ahead and assume that you dying has almost nothing to do with me setting multiple parts of your insides on fire.

tumblrbot asked: WHERE WOULD YOU MOST LIKE TO VISIT ON YOUR PLANET?

      Not Hyrule; shit’s scary right now.

   Yeah, lad dee da. I’m just going to walk around in here. And based on the fog and lack of any light at all and the number of spiders I’ve seen around I seriously doubt there will be any sort of giant fucking spider in here. That is definitely a thing that is not about to happen.

   Seriously though I hope she at least has a ton of eyes like a decent spider should —not like those things above doors you have to unlock.

   Shit with one eye creeps me out.

   Seriously who built ladders in this tree.

   This tree is ridiculous.

• What now, Mido?
• I have a sword and shield.
• And you don’t.
• Wanna take me on?
• I WILL L TARGET THE ABSOLUTE SHIT OUT OF YOU.
• Oh I can’t stab you cool I guess.
• I’m going into the forest now.

HOLY GOD THE PLANTS FROM LITTLE SHOP OF HORRORS ARE SPROUTING OUT OF THE GROUND. Thank God I went back to get a sword and shield!

• Nobody tell Mido I said that.
• That’s some mustache you got there, tree.
• You could be on Reno 911.
• Anyway you look all earthly and wise like you’ve got some important shit to say, so I’ll shut up and let you talk.
• Is saying “thou” really necessary?

   Mido is every asshole in every class in every school ever.

 Son of a—Nobody told me my file name would actually be my name name.

• A tree is talking to me.
• I live in the tree talking to me.
• I’ll pretend that’s not weird in any way at all.
• And why don’t I have a faerie? That’s some straight up bullshit right the-ohp now I’m like having a nightmare or some shit.
• There’s a castle. Cool. I bet that’s where Princess Peach is hiding.
• Oh look there she is now on a horse.
• Oh my god Bowser has princess Peach.
• Bowser you son of a bitch.
• No wait. Maybe that’s Ganon.
• I’m guessing the ginger Grinch is Ganon?
• Ganon how did you get that color.
• That color is ridiculous, Ganon.
• Stop it.